A conversation with a grandparent started simply with this:
“Eve, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Her response: “I want to be a person that is kind.”
I could probably share every week on the insight I am gleaning from my children. It would seem that although we are at large responsible for who our children become in both their ability to love and grow uprightly in wisdom, there are some things that we will need to re-illuminate rather than introduce.
Sure, we have all been born with this innate leaning towards self-centeredness, but we only know it well because self promotion has been catered to. Even if in the most unassuming, innocent of ways. Our primary aim is not to serve, but to relish in the areas of personal accomplishment.
Do we not celebrate the moments that we are successful in this, and do so with immense gusto? Whether a job promotion, a promising career, a new home, a successful start up, or even retirement. Now mind you, I find all of these things to be rather wonderful. Why only in the last handful of weeks did I hear of one friend purchasing a new home, and another launching her photography business. I absolutely joined them in their excitement without even remotely a hint of inauthenticity. Although celebration over, and even a desire for, the provision of home and the beauty of an unfurled passion are not actually the point.
What I have found is simply that what should remain as pursuits of the self have become a determination of the soul.
And when the home of our dreams is unattainable or the career we have envisioned seems a shaky foundation, we find ourselves grasping for purpose. For the point was always “What do you want to be when you grow up [that will satisfy yourself in skill sets and desires]?” as opposed to “What kind of person do you want to be for the benefit of others and the maturing of your own soul?”
Eve had it right, and I only hope that we can encourage her to walk intentionally in what she is now recognizing as worth aspiring to, while also helping her to flourish in the ways that she has been so uniquely gifted. For she can be kind towards others no matter the unpredictability of life and its tumultuous waves of both joy and sorrow, to which kindness will benefit either.
Personal accomplishments, however, are less reliable. They are to undoubtedly be tested rather fiercely, and it would seem that 2020 has shown many of us the instability of a life weighed by accomplishment. Yet we have somehow come to press our children to consider more predominantly what they might do to secure their future in provision, rather than letting power reside in who they might become.
Now mind you, we may not feel that we believe such a thing. Yet the questions we ask, the heavy value we place on skill building extra curricular activities, or even the simplicity of chores bearing financial reward, all have the potential of subtly feeding into the ideology that what you accomplish, both now and in the future, are what will secure your ability to survive. Surely, kindness is a weak aspiration.
Yet in our dream driven culture, from the white picket fence of the 80s to the successful entrepreneur of today, it would seem that we are in short supply of kindness. Facebook and politics are clear indicators of that, and while we have done well to put food on the table and produce successful start ups, we are weary of one another.
We have become all that we have wanted by fervently pursuing the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Yet we have lost that which has been most needed: To know how to live, even bear, with one another. In which case, kindness is a pretty good start.
So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
EXPOSITION: You were most likely asked this question as a child, and even ponder it now as an adult. How has this question, and perhaps the subtle ways surrounding it, influenced you to focus on becoming something rather than being someone?
RISE: Let’s place the question in its proper place: a fair evaluation that will tend well to your passions and abilities. Although consider the power of tending to who you are over what you can or will someday do. Maybe you will look for a mentor rather than just a business coach. Maybe you will take the time to hear from your employees rather than assume on what they need to grow the business. Maybe you will only post on social media words that serve others rather than serve to prove a point. The ways are endless, but the adjustment a difficult one. We have been answering the same questions for so long…
DENOUEMENT: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”