There is most certainly an irony here. In what has become a bimonthly letter to those that have continued on our Lucrezio mailing list, I shared these below words, speaking of my current inability to keep up with all the endeavors I have put before myself. And here I am, 1:30am with my littlest snuggled in my arms, the night light of this computer screen after having realized only moments ago that Sunday morning is here and I have not penned a single thought for my Sunday writing. And so a simple copy and paste will have to do, as screens make horrible night lights.
Although upon having shared these words only a handful of days ago, I received an insightful response from a dear family friend who writes from the countryside of upstate New York. A man that lives in the simplicity of the hard working life. We’re talking building his own log cabin with his sons while in his 70s. He shared with me in part simply this:
“Self-cognizance is a “trip” and possibly endures for life, or until you learn to live with it!”
Indeed wiser words than mine, for I too often find myself longing that there is the discipline and intentionality that will piece it all together at every moment in time. Perhaps learning to live with myself is the greater lesson to be learned.
penned September 2, 2020
Seems I have found myself in a rather precarious position. One where I have a handful of projects in the works, all of which are self generated, but to the point where I cannot seem to keep up with my own art. You’ve heard of the personality A type or perhaps the emotional type. Maybe even the pain in the neck type (which, aren’t we all when it comes right down to it.) Although how about the Artist Type?
Some know that type all too well. Generally speaking they are emotive, late to things, and have this fascinating ability to be both wildly confident and horribly insecure all in one breath. Maybe now my writings suddenly all make sense, and so does my lack of punctuality. Now granted, I just made a comment in a writing only recently that we all too easily use our personalities, and the plethora of tests that we have available to us to confirm our suspicions of them, as excuses for our shortcomings. As soon as you recognize a very real weakness in your personality bend, a play of the naivety card is no longer going to roll. Instead, you trade that out for the opportunity to develop in character, perhaps allowing your strengths to support the needed aid of your weaknesses. Shortcomings are not there to be settled in. They are there – and they will always be there – to admit and affront, to such a point where they will be a piece of you, but not a determination of you.
I will admit that my artist type is indeed throwing me into multiple creative ideas, but that does not then give me permission to fall short on rest, become unintentional with family, or a poor advocate for generosity. Instead I recognize what I am capable of while allowing every facet of my life to remain intact, requiring discipline, intentionality, and the ability to simply say no – even if to myself.
What’s your type?
EXPOSITION: Self-cognizance. How does this awareness and realization of yourself have its place in your self development? Would you rather ignore it? Does the perfectionist in you feel plagued by it? Does awareness prompt you to act in your strengths or tend to your weaknesses?
RISE: To reiterate a friend’s words, self=cognizance endures for life. Or perhaps until you’ve learned to live with yourself.
DENOUEMENT: If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else. (Paul in his letter to the churches of Galatia)