I had a bit of an eye opening experience only days ago into what these coming months might look like as a parent of young children. Particularly one that seems to have a fever accompanied with every sort of ailment.
After a lovely breakfast with mamas and their babes, only 24 hours later and we were facing some tummy issues with our littles. Nothing unmanageable or of concern. We’re talking some voicing of a tummy ache and a few trips to the toilet. Although our eldest began to feel a bit warm, and sure enough she had a mild fever. Nothing above 100.3 mind you, but a fever nonetheless. I called our pediatrician. Not out of concern for her well being, for with two kids in tow we are familiar with the occasional tummy problem. Rather because she had a fever I wondered if perhaps there were some suggested steps to take in light of the pandemic that has ensued. Although doing my due diligence resulted in an answer I wasn’t expecting.
Since a fever was involved, even though related to an aching tummy, we were to treat her ailment as Covid, which meant self-quarantining our entire household for 14 days.
Now granted, CDC website outlines that only fevers of 100.4 (phew!) or above are of a concern and her symptoms did not fall in line with a respiratory illness, which is where Covid falls, but it seemed that was irrelevant. Fevers are automatic sentences for quarantining.
Suddenly starting my music lessons back up in home, set for the following week, seemed irresponsible, and next weekends newborn photography session now felt out of the question. Things just got rather real, at a time when we all perhaps hoped that we were coming out of the woods.
Thankfully for our family our work in the area of music instruction has transferred rather seamlessly into the online world, and seeing as our children are not yet school aged we do not have to consider the school saga.
Although now we are entering a new segment of life with Covid. One where cold and flu season is upon us. Where good friends you might suddenly find a bit skittish. Where a child’s sneeze has the propensity to undermine trust in a relationship. Where we will begin to observe others hygiene practices and perhaps even judge those that don’t seem to be as concerned.
So for the sake of our friendships and with the intentionality of teaching our children how to serve others at perhaps the cost of ourselves, we are agreeing as a family to consistently bring three practices to the table in our friendships.
1. Give it 7-14 days
Before saying yes to a play date or social outing, we are simply going to let those we will be with know that we or our children experienced such and such symptoms for at least 7 days after those symptoms began, and 14 days if a high fever or any respiratory symptoms. (Well, technically that would merit quarantining anyway, but if you’re going to bust the system, at least let your friends know.)
Sharing every physical ailment with friends may seem a bit extreme, except to a concerned (or perhaps paranoid!) friend, anything less might cause them to question our regard for them. We want to simply help them feel that they can trust we won’t show up to their house with a cough.
Our neighbors, whom we have loved see our girls play with on random mornings, all deal with asthma, and so Covid strikes a bit more concern in them than myself. Last week our girls ran outside excitedly after seeing their neighbors pop out, only to be asked kindly to stay away because their brother had the sniffles. Now mind you, I was completely comfortable, and assumably they were looking out for our interest in that moment, which I most certainly appreciated.
Although sharing every common cold symptom with others is less about matching your concerns, and all about not assuming on someone else’s. In other words, your comfort level is not the same as your friends. Better to be extra diligent than compromise trust in a friendship.
2. Travel Alert
Every state is playing this one a bit differently. For Illinois, no state-wide self quarantine mandate is in place. The city of Chicago, however, has a list of 22 states that require a 14 day self quarantine after visiting. Personally, I am most discouraged by New York’s travel policy, not based on whether or not I consider it necessary, but because we cannot visit my family. If they come to us then they are expected to quarantine upon their return trip home.
Although how I feel about the policy in place is relatively irrelevant. The only factor that should be in play is my friends comfort level, and if seeing them after we take an impromptu day trip to Wisconsin makes them nervous, that should be my first line of thought.
They may still want to get together! At least I simply mentioned our travels in a text, rather than first over a cup of coffee where there is only three feet between us, and their child just put a toy in his mouth.
3. Surprise Guests
On a scale of 1-10 of “Covid Crazy”, we are probably about a 5. I know some that are taking extreme measures and the stay-at-home mandate never really ended. Others are rather over it and ready for social interactions as we once knew them. As a photographer working closely with families, and as Jordan and I both consider the needs of the students we teach, we are taking the position of thinking less on our comfort level and more on others. And so we find ourselves sitting in the middle of the social world as well. At this point our main concern is social control. Although we are not afraid of sharing a meal at a responsibly spaced restaurant, we are generally avoiding social outings that include an undetermined number of people.
The way in which that translates to our friendships is simply this. No surprise dinner guests. And I don’t mean the random pop over where someone stops in to say hello and you invite them in for dinner. (Gosh, do people even do that anymore?) Rather, I mean if we are hosting a social gathering, then everyone we invite will know exactly who to expect. Because here’s the thing, and you are probably latching onto the theme at this point, but what is comfortable for one person may be anything but for another.
Friends should have the courtesy of knowing the nature of the gathering they are attending so that they may make a choice based on their “Covid Crazy” scale. Don’t expect a number 8 to be okay with your 2 mindset inviting over an extra family for dinner, when plans were made initially with just them in mind. And we’re not talking about the Enneagram. This is a whole new scale.
Now that I have put all of this in writing, I must admit that I feel accountable to uphold it.
Although is that not perhaps exactly what our friendships need? And all the more so now – The intentionality and even accountability that puts the desire to serve others before the desire to ask others to adapt to you.
EXPOSITION: How “Covid Crazy” are you?
RISE: When it comes down to it, your number on the scale doesn’t actually determine the way we should be pre-setting our social interactions, specifically our gatherings with friends. And this is far beyond a conversation on whether or not government should implement mask wearing. You can go to Facebook for that kind of banter. This is about understanding that we cannot assume that everyone feels the same way you do when it comes to a concern around this virus. Far better to go above and beyond – as though assuming everyone has a little bit of “10” in them – than create space for mistrust and even judgement.
DENOUEMENT: “Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people… I didn’t take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I’ve become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life.” (words of Paul in a letter to the Corinthians, as translated in The Message)
Paul may not be talking here about physical disease and how to stay socially considerate in a pandemic, but he is talking about being a servant for the sake of loving well those around him.