“If you do nail this down, then you’ll sell billions of dollars worth of books.”
Our late night conversation left Jordan unable to fall asleep. His mind was a bit unsettled pondering these musings on criticism and inspiration. We came to the conclusion that self examination – our swallowable term for criticism – and outside inspiration are in essence a personality thing. Some are driven to succeed by being tough on themselves. Others pour over books and podcasts that share inspiring stories. Both of which prompt us to unearth the areas that need a bit of reconstructing. Except, there seemed one final question to lay out on the table.
No matter what is your deemed ultimate source of effective motivation, what does it take to move from awareness to movement?
Therein lies the billion dollar question to which Jordan so casually alluded. And although I neither hold a PhD of any sort, nor am I a New York Times bestselling author, to explore what it might take to actually succeed in the change we either criticize ourselves in or find in others to aspire to seems a worthwhile question to pursue.
Although to circle back just a moment to where we left off last Sunday, it would probably prove beneficial to talk about those pitfalls of your self talk of choice. Criticism seems an easy one to identify.
Shame.
Criticism can fall prey rather easily to feeling a lack of value or self worth. In one singular bout of self talk where criticism is involved, we shift rather readily into regret mixed with disappointment mixed with self defeat. For those that are quick to be their own worst critic, as the saying goes, they are also their own enemy. An enemy knows he has won when any sense of victory is beaten. Nothing has the propensity to cast a beating more than shame, and in the end no one is better for it.
Yet to move away from examining the self is not necessarily a sure way to secure personal growth either. Unless of course all you want to do is feel good about yourself, in which case there is rather far reaching justification for your imperfections, and all found rather easily, but that wouldn’t exactly help our cause. To reiterate last weeks musings, our intention here is to in fact discover what prompts us to grow because we agree that we need it.
Up steps confidently to the plate inspiration. People. Stories. All finely tuned to elicit the finest emotional response that would have us ready to change the world, and even ourselves, if it weren’t for this one recognizable elephant.
Comparison.
“The corne in an other mans ground semeth euer more fertyll and plentifull then doth oure own.”
Or in other words “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Erasmus of Rotterdam had it right in this Latin proverb traced back to 1545. Instead of being inspired (our buzz word for the time being) to figure out how the neighbor is keeping their lawn so beautifully lush, well watered, and immaculately maintained, we just stare at it and think, Why can’t I have that?
And so it is that inspiration does little more to us than stir up a covetous disposition towards even all which we might look to affectionately, yet are hard pressed to actually do what is required of us to get there.
I am trying to consider when comparing and coveting is beneficial seeing as it is so plentiful. We readily dismiss shame, and so often criticism with it, as a poor motivator towards thriving. Yet if outside inspiration is our go to for growth, then perhaps the downfall that comes with it is not so bad. Or at least not as desecrating as shame.
Except it is.
The enemy is sneaky like that, especially when the enemy becomes the stubbornness of your own soul. To aspire to someone because you allow their story to act as a teacher in the areas you are still grasping to achieve is most easily lost when you cannot move beyond longing. And you are beaten still, except this time with the allure that the change is not dependent upon you. You are merely wallowing in what you do not have.
So the billion dollar question remains. What actually moves you to grow in the areas that need, well, growing?
If criticism, even when beginning as a healthy dose of self examination, does no more than elicit shame, you will be hesitant to wrestle with the weaknesses of your mind or body or heart.
If the inspiration that others bring, even with the sweet potential of learning from a life intentionally lived, stops at mere spectating, such beauty will have no other choice but to remind you of what you are not. And in it’s stead a longing for what someone else both has and is.
Perhaps then motivation is less about the method and more about moving beyond the temptation to victimize the self. Maybe this is where we turn the page entirely.
EXPOSITION: If you were unsure in last weeks reflections as to how to answer the exposition piece, perhaps this writing brought some helpful clarity. Do you find yourself more often experiencing self defeat or stumbling into comparison? And if you’re like me, it doesn’t take more than a few days to experience a bit of both.
RISE: In the course of this week, notice what triggers your internal self talk. Before we answer the billion dollar question in next Sundays writing (no book sales required), consider not only your preferred method of motivation – examination or inspiration – but when and why you are halted in the plight towards palpable growth.
DENOUEMENT: For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate… For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Paul, in his letter to the Romans, being honest about his own bouts of self talk)