Perhaps you have found yourself here as well.
You have an ache, or perhaps simply an off day, but either of which you find need a bit of tending to. You run into someone while picking up some groceries or a few Christmas presents, and while they ask how you are, you know you can’t respond with anything but a cherry disposition. And fairly so, you really just want to get to that check out line and to your car so you can take off your mask. A friend sends you a text to say hello, but such does not seem the right space to divulge your woes. You assume they will otherwise think twice about sending you a text message. Your spouse emerges from the bedroom office, but while the kids clamor for attention, you know a downtrodden demeanor would only add to the chaos of a noisy evening. You consider calling mom. A consistent voice of reason and willingness to listen, except you know that you will hold back to an extent. Something about parents having expectations of you and your not wanting to disappoint, or perhaps Mom is too quick to insist that everything will be okay, like she did when you fell off your bike and scraped your knee… or broke your arm. Forget it, you just need a few friends, a glass of wine or a craft brew, and a space where you know you can be authentic. Except, those moments are hard to find these days, as our social gatherings are kept at a distance, particularly now in the hopes that we can keep our plans to visit Great Grandma and Grandpa without fear of potentially bringing with us a deadly virus.
Now I find I must stop here and point out two influencers in our conversation.
I am a woman. There may very well be a bit of a female tendency here to express my emotions verbally. Not that men are not extremely capable and even tending to do the same, but if I was to just look at Jordan versus myself, there is a real male/female dynamic to contend with. My wine night with a couple of girlfriends lends to very different conversation than his buddy banter. And no, I don’t mind the stereotypical nature of it all.
Secondly, I am emotional. Not in the sense that I cry all the time, but in the sense that my heart emerges far more prominently than my head. Much of life is weighed by how I feel. The artist in me loves this.
Yet, those two things considered, there is a humanness in all of us that holds a deep need to be heard. How we choose to express the state of our hearts may vary greatly, but we will express them one way or another. The commonality being that they need a landing place beyond ourselves. We need others to hear us. We need others to affirm us. We need others to challenge us. We were not created to live in isolation.
Although here’s perhaps the more challenging piece of this dependence.
No one person can be for you what your human nature needs. Nor can you put that expectation on one person.
Whether a parent, friend, or even spouse, though their relationship an essentially beautiful one, it is indeed only one. They cannot on their own satisfy your every need-to-be-human need, and they will only start to become ineffective in what they have to give to the relationship if the demand becomes too high.
I will admit that when I feel most desperate for the right relationship to speak into whatever dominates my thoughts, I call out to Jesus rather readily with a quiet “please help me.” At times there are words to follow, but several times they remain that simple. A friend might be at first taken aback by the sentiment. Thankfully the God of the universe isn’t. Actually, he rather expects it, and thank goodness, because I utter the phrase often.
Yet he is wise to not leave it at that.
While my necessary dependency hinges on no human, the presence of people is a gift to my humanness.
Perhaps these last several months of seclusion, in tandem with all that still remains unknown, only continues to succeed in taking its toll. I will admit I have made minimal efforts to hold up friendships while staying at home became a normal rhythm. I have experienced heartache among relationships that are deep to me. Only last week I wrote on “choosing joy”, and while I hope my ramblings proved helpful towards such a plight, there seems to be one intimate piece of the conversation that otherwise went missing.
Do life with others.
Joy is not found in isolation. Humanity is not contended with as a plight of individuals. We are a coalition of creation. One that demands dependency on one another far more than it celebrates individualism.
The beauty of it all being that when we let others become to us all that our human nature needs, we find more of ourselves there.
EXPOSITION: Is there perhaps a relationship that you have relied too exclusively on to satisfy the needs of your heart (aka. humanness)? Or perhaps you have found yourself believing, or at least living in, isolation?
RISE: Just as you were not made to do life alone, you also cannot let everyone be to you what only those that know you well can be. Draw your circle and invest in them as they will in you.
DENOUEMENT: “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (Paul in his letter to the Thessalonians)